Psychology for Couples Trying to Conceive

When trying to improving any aspect of your health, cutting down on stress is virtually always helpful. In men, emotional stress is thought to reduce sperm count by interfering with normal hormone production. When there is a longing desire on the part of a couple to have a child, it adds to the overall stress level for both partners. Anti-stress activities are always a good idea. Such activities include regular gentle exercise, deep breathing and progressive relaxation, and getting enough sleep.

Women who are struggling with infertility have been found to struggle with depression as much as women with life threatening diseases like cancer! For both partners, the inability to produce a baby has a tendency to erode the self-esteem. Much of our self image hinges on our femininity or our masculinity. We feel less as a woman, especially when we are around our friends who seem to be able to get pregnant “every time their husband lays his pants on the bed” as the old saying goes. The same loss of self-worth happens to our husbands, and we know how delicate men’s egos can be! (Women’s egos, too?)

Infertility can strain the relationship, too. If one partner blames the other, a wall can begin to grow between the two of you. Between the growing disappointment and the necessity to perform on demand when the ovulation indicators say to, the stress on the marriage can be serious. The best way to remedy this is to affirm to your spouse that you will face the problem together, being glad you have them even with the disappointment of infertility.

Having the support of a group of other couples dealing with the same problems can be a big help to your emotional outlook. That support group can even be online.

The sexual relationship can be stressed by infertility, since performance is related to success. However, if you stop to think about it, there are only a few days you can become pregnant. If you focus on the relationship the rest of the time, you can rekindle those warm fuzzies and enjoy sex more, which is good for the emotional side of the relationship. Sometimes taking a break from the temperature charting and scheduled rendezvous can make a big difference, even resulting in the pregnancy that has been so elusive.

Baby showers can be difficult, as can social gathering where many of your friends’ and family members’ children will be in attendance. It is permissible to skip the showers. Simply send a gift ahead or with someone else. Grab something quick or order something online, but don’t take a long time shopping through baby clothes. Board books or some baby toiletries can be picked up without a long stay in the baby department.

In any difficult time of waiting and disappointment, it’s a good idea to stay busy. Use the free time you have to enjoy hobbies or learn new skills. Enjoy humor with your single friends and your spouse.

One distressing but normal part of trying hard to get pregnant is that you can psychologically imagine that you have the symptoms of pregnancy, such as nausea and frequent urination. It is very easy to get your hopes up every month. If a home pregnancy test comes out negative, however, it’s probably accurate. They tend to be very reliable. There’s even a condition called pseudocyesis in which women experience even more symptoms, such as feeling movements and even the abdomen increasing in size. This condition is sometimes called a false pregnancy, and is most common in married women who have experienced pregnancy before. Premenstrual symptoms can mimic pregnancy symptoms with nausea and breast enlargement being quite common sensations. It is disappointing, however, when your period starts a day or two later. Try not to let a little nausea make you get your hopes up.

In some cases a woman has all the symptoms of pregnancy, and even have a positive result on a pregnancy test. Yet a miscarriage happens a month or two later, and no fetus is found in the material discharged. This condition is called a “blighted ovum” and probably indicates a baby was conceived but had genetic abnormalities which prevented it from developing normally.

As with any endeavor in life, positive thinking can make a big difference. If you can keep from giving up hope, it will help. It also helps to place the outcome of your quest for a baby into the hands of a higher power. Prayer has helped many seemingly infertile couples go on to produce a houseful of happy, healthy children. Striving to be at peace with the outcome is imperative, however, because ultimately, a child is a gift from God, and it doesn’t help matters to struggle emotionally with the things we can’t understand.